|
Apr 28
|
The first pattern we’ll be discussing was originally identified by Robert Dilts in his book, Sleight of Mouth, which (not surprisingly) is one of my personal NLP resources, and which is hopefully on your bookshelf as well (if not, your local librarian is almost certainly a lovely individual who will be delighted to point you in the right direction). The first bit of SOM we’ll be discussing is called “Intent”. I’ll assume that your intent is of a good nature, and share some of the secrets I’ve learned. Come along, now.
“Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood!”
So sang the popular 60’s band, The Animals. “Misunderstood” is such a dreadful word, isn’t it? Nobody enjoys the angst that comes with feeling misunderstood. But, not to worry—as budding NLP masters we know that where emotions are strong, so are the possibilities for real influence. Conversations where we may be dealing with someone who is upset, are where the Intent Pattern is very useful, and where we can make a meaningful difference in the beliefs of others. Intent does this by placing emphasis on the motive behind the words.
Take for example, an angry boss who is upset that you haven’t met a deadline. Your boss might say,
“This is unacceptable! We’re all behind schedule now. You’ve really put me behind the 8-ball, here!”
Now, when most people explain this technique, they focus on explaining our own positive intention. They might suggest that you say something like,
“My intention is not to let you down, but to give you the best quality results possible. In this case, more time is needed to produce an outcome that everyone will be happy with.”
This is excellent, and is certainly a huge improvement on the way people usually deal with this sort of uncomfortable situation. In my opinion, though, what separates the neuro linguistic pros from the amateurs is the ability to step into the intent of the other person. We need to ask ourselves, “Why are they saying this? What good are they looking for here? In what way can I show that I understand them?”
Going back to our example, you might also say to your boss,
“I know that you’re under a lot of pressure, and you want to bring this whole project together as successfully as possible. By allowing enough time for high-quality results, we can really stand apart from our competitors and turn this thing into a real winner.”
Using this approach, you have accomplished a couple of things. You’ve expressed an understanding of both your boss’s difficult situation, and his/her positive intentions. Furthermore, you’ve carried their positive intention to the next logical level for them, which is to get better results than they originally hoped for (all while giving you more time to finish your work, and thinking it’s their idea!).
I hope you’re beginning to see the huge possibilities for implementing this little piece of nlp persuasion. Asking the question of intent brings us naturally and easily to the very way that people want to be persuaded. Stephen Covey said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” I think he was onto something.
